Many situations in life make things tough, but living in a relationship where you are the one side that is carrying the load makes life extremely difficult. In seeking to help people through difficult one-sided circumstances, I have found the best way to help them bear their burdens is to guide them to the Lord Jesus Christ.
Matthew 11:28–29 (ESV) — 28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
As you look to the Lord Jesus Christ, any moment of suffering can be seen as an opportunity to learn which helps through the pain of the moment as you see a gain in perspective in the application of spiritual truth, and the freedom from what comes across as a situation of bondage with no way out.
John 8:31–32 (ESV) — 31 So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
The five learning situations found in a one-sided response are: learning to pray instead of panicking, learning to understand from the perspective of the other person, learning to put away any retaliation or bitterness, learning to love unconditionally like God, and learning to trust in God rather than ourselves. This is important because the appropriate thing to respond to people who ask how you are doing is to respond with what you are learning in these five key areas. Every time you respond with what God is helping you learn in the application of His word, you are giving glory to Him, you are honoring His word, and you are opening the portal of joy to flow from your heart to other people. In other words, you are ministering to others with what God is giving to you. That’s called the flow of comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:3–5 (ESV) — 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
Let’s consider the five areas of learning when we are facing a one-sided response situation or during any time of suffering. (The following is just a brief consideration of the five areas of learning, whereas a more detailed presentation can be found in the upcoming book.)
Lesson one: Learning to pray instead of panicking.
Philippians 4:6–7 (ESV) — 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Lesson two: Learning to understand from the perspective of the other person.
Philippians 2:3–4 (ESV) — 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Lesson three: Learning to put away retaliation and bitterness.
Romans 12:17–21 (ESV) — 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Lesson four: Learning to love unconditionally like God
1 John 4:17–19 (ESV) — 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us.
Lesson five: Learning to trust in the Lord and not in ourselves
Proverbs 3:5–6 (ESV) — 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
I realize in bringing up five points of learning without expounding, I may be implying this is a simple fix. It is not. This article is simply meant to be of comfort to realize here are five areas where God means to use your time of affliction and suffering to teach you and help you grow closer and more dependent upon God as you apply the word of God to your life in this and all situations.
The five areas of learning begin with prayer which is the key to every situation in life. Prayer is described by the psalmist as pouring out our heart to God because He is your refuge. The more we pray, the more we enjoy the help of the Holy Spirit, who brings assurance as we pray as well and works in our heart and mind to conform us to the will of God in every situation.
Psalm 62:8 (ESV) — 8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah
Romans 8:26 (ESV) — 26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
As much as you might attribute your present suffering, or the one-sided response in which you find yourself, as God punishing you for some reason; instead, think of this as a learning situation in which God has brought you to the point of learning the truths of applying His word as you grow in His grace.
Godspeed,
Bob Brubaker, Pastor
Christ Community Presbyterian Church
Clearwater, FL
Check out Bob’s podcast, The PowerBreak podcast wherever you download podcasts or from his website: www.bobbrubaker.com. Once the book Bob mentions in this article is published, it will be available via his website.
