In a day when everyone seems to be offended by someone or something that has happened, there is a desperate cry for instruction as to what we should do when we are offended, and quite frankly, what we could be doing to avoid falling into the trap of being easily offended. Jesus’ teaching as recorded in the 18th chapter of Matthew is an appropriate place to go when considering the subject of offense and being offended.
Matthew 18:1–4 (ESV) — 1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 2 And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them 3 and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
First thing is to take a lesson from children when it comes to offense. It’s short lived. A child doesn’t dwell too long on any offense because they don’t want to miss what is next. As one ages, there is more of a tendency to hold on to offenses and maybe dream of retaliation. Hence the hurt goes deeper. Jesus is saying to be His follower must be different than the world around us and it begins with avoiding allowing offenses to go deep.
Matthew 18:5–6 (ESV) — 5 “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, 6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
The second thing to remember that Jesus, the judge, is the one who will take care of offenders, and He takes it very seriously when one of His is offended.
Matthew 18:15–17 (ESV) — 15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Thirdly, Jesus recognizes the fact that some offenses are such that can’t be overlooked or brushed off as a child would do. It requires some action. Notice the action required is simple instructions but not so simple in the carrying out of the mandate. The person who is offended has the obligation to go to the offender to reconcile. The most common practice is to expect the offender to come to the offender to reconcile but this order that Jesus established is exactly the picture of how God reconciles us to Himself. He the offended seeks reconciliation with us, the offenders, and reconciles us through the Lord Jesus Christ.
To make the matter even more serious, Jesus emphasized the need to go to the offender alone. This would mean if you were the offended and you talk to anyone about the offense, before you talk to the offender, you have sinned. If the offender refuses to reconcile with the offended, the offended has the obligation of taking one or two others along in the next step in seeking reconciliation. If that meeting is met with resistance, then the matter goes to the church and if there is a refusal to adhere to the final call for reconciliation, discipline is the final step to set the person in the place where they will be judged by God, and hopefully brought to repentance and result in reconciliation.
By the way, as Jesus taught in this passage the offended has the obligation to seek reconciliation, in an early teaching Jesus pointed out that if you realize you have offended another, you must seek to reconcile before you worship. It’s that serious.
Matthew 5:23–24 (ESV) — 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift.
The seriousness of reconciliation is then brought out by Jesus when Peter asks Jesus a question about forgiveness. Too many times, people carry the weight of being offended because they refuse to forgive. In doing so, as Jesus points out, they forget how much they have been forgiven and to hold onto that offense leads to a lack of enjoying forgiveness by God. Do you really want that?
Matthew 18:21–35 (ESV) — 21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. 23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
The best thing is to be ready to reconcile and be reconciled with those who offend you, following the guidance of a child who is ready to forgive and go on. If that seems hard, then take serious Jesus’ teaching on what to do as an offended person. In all cases, we need to be ready to forgive as we have been forgiven by God.
Godspeed,
Bob Brubaker, Pastor
Christ Community Presbyterian Church
Clearwater, FL
